September 2010
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Apparently, I’m depressed.
I don’t feel emotion but I can fake it well enough that no one even notices…
My family keeps leaving me alone and it makes me really lonely.
But it’s because I’m not mourning and I don’t need to see them sad…
All I feel like doing is lying in bed and just listening to music. Music is the only truth in this world.
I...
August 2010
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So much
I feel like my family is shattering right before my eyes. Now that all my other relatives are gone, no one can deal with our loss. Uncle spends more time smoking and just being away from the house. Auntie is spending nights away from home and wants it to stay that way cause she can’t seem to handle it, and my mom, my strong mother who has lost everything, her dad, her husband, her sister...
I feel so comfortable in the road and more at peace being myself in my car than in my own room. Spending a few hours diving around the 15 and 91 and my stress has seeped out of my muscles.
I really want to go on a road trip again. Maybe I’ll go back up to norcal to see my friends… Maybe, if I don’t have any plans in the ner future.
Weddings= where adults pressure you to get married or try to set you up with their children…
It’s all quite hilarious after 4 glasses of chamampane/wine and 2 glasses of some other liquor.
Now to dance the night away, and socialize with my family and peers.
Open bar.
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Funerals.
Cooking till midnight.
Picnicking on an island in a lake.
Disneyland.
I’ll post pictures ASAP.
But now, I need to get ready for doing makeup applications.
Then, I need to dress up for my cousin’s wedding.
Which will be closely followed by another family get together before they all leave to their home states.. or countries (?)
-Carisse
Such a busy week.
Apparantly, my family is obsessed with how soft my skin is, and they keep stroking me.. I have 4 family members currently petting me and discussing how soft I am and saying that they love my butt too.
Now they’re asking is my butt is this soft.
This isn’t awkward at all….
This family…..
(B dubbs, they’re all my aunties and my gay uncle…)
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Spice Girls- Love Thing
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Egad. Today was failsquared.
I’m sick with the sniffles. I lost my voice. I need to memorize a song for tomorrow. I must finish my laundry [K.O. Finish him!] and the sorts.
Then, 7 family members are coming over around noon, where I know that all of them will be crying and will make me depressed.
Mmm. I wish I escaped to Disneyland today…
-Carisse
Please… Just give me a sign that you care. Please?
Ultra depressing morning. [FYI, creamations are crazy intense. I can’t handle them.]
But I had an amazing time at Disneyland CA Adventure with the girls. I met an adorable guy, got my dance on at Glow Fest, [Jerking and dougie-ing make me look redic.] Then got to see World of Color.
Now it’s time to have a sleep over con mi amiga.
Mmmm. This week is bound to be very...
“Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.”
BLUE SCREEN of DEATH
This is the first time I’m getting to know my mum.
> Family time cause tomorrow is going to be painful.
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Someone take me away to Neverland.
Cause I want to be whisked away from this place.
Watching Peter Pan circa 2003 for the first time.
I’m enthralled.
Ah! Take me away to Neverland.
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Huzzah! [random vent]
10lb mark!
On another note, I can’t find my family…
Today is weird. And it’s Saturday too boot.
Is it weird that I’m finally happy again? But, it makes me feel guilty…
I feel like I should still be in mourning. I know that Monday and Thursday will be crazy depressing, but I just feel so happy today.
I’m so confused/happy/lost/frazzled ish.
I must stop...
I’ve never gotten flowers delivered to me before!
I’m not going to lie, I got teary eyed.
<3
emotionalvacancy asked: You know we love you right? I hope you do.
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Epiphany
In times of sorrow, take pleasure in the little things. Cause joy even in the most simple of forms is still a joy.
I’m thankful for my auntie and uncle, my mum, and the rather extended family I have.
Most of my relatives may not be remotely related to me, but they still love me unconditionally.
This broken, mismatched and haggard family is still together and thriving. All because we hold...
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Ultra depressing vent: My heart aches. When my mom comes home sobbing that she misses her mother. When I catch my uncle lighting candles and staring at my grandmothers picture trying to hold back tears. When my aunt changes and washes grandma’s bed sheets and starts shaking as sobs wrack her body. When my dog lies on grandmum’s bed and whimpers quietly. When I realize that I...
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“Forever young, i want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever,...”
–
Alphaville
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Can’t stop crying. It feels like I lost my heart.
Grandma is headed to the ER, so am I… We think this might be it. Please pray for her.
Holy heck.
Why am I getting slammed with hate mail and death threats?!
This is crazy.
I mean, hate mail I got used too, but these death threats are starting to scare me…
Sometimes, I just want to pack a small bag and leave.
I wouldn’t tell anyone and they’d never see me again.
I would take a plane and head over to Europe and just walk and sleep at hostels.
Then eventually make my way to some quaint unheard of town and take refuge with some random residence and help out with menial labor, maybe even farming…
I would live a simple life, but a...
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Apparently, I am to start condensing my stuff to make it easier to move….
OH. But I will end up with my own room, and the garage for me to ‘destroy’.
Cool beans.
I’ll just have to prove everyone wrong. Cause, I’m going to be successful.
-Carisse
I want to paint EVERYTHING in my room white/cream.
Right. Now.
RAWR.
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Why do I feel like I look like one of these girls?
for reals….
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“My hands up high, my feet down low, and this is how I jiggalow. Jiggalow, jig...”
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HAHA.
I love being a freak.
I have full on monster/zombie/whatever makeup on and that’s how I’m going to do all my chores and shopping today.
Major win.
Vanity.
Sloth.
Lust.
Pride.
I’m doomed.
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The pros and cons of sitting on my roof.
Pros
It’s nice to feel the night time air on my skin.
I get a nice bird’s eye view of the park and my street.
It’s peaceful and a nice place to think.
No one can bother me.
There’s a lot of space.
Cons
It’s cold.
It’s rough.
There’s horrid light pollution from the tennis courts.
It’s creepy and I think there was a random cat up there with...
“Tonight @ prom, me and music are DOING IT. I want to DO music.”
– Skye Sweetnam, ‘Music Is My Boyfriend’ music video.
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